| (no subject) |
[Oct. 2nd, 2006|01:09 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | my room | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  weird | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | downtown//tegan&sara | ] |
you know, i never ever have the urge to write in my lj anymore. i dont know why. its like i have nothing of intrest to share with any of you. i mean, lots of interesting stuff happens to me.. but none of it i share, because it would be inappropriate. i could rant and rave about my love for faren, and all the things we do, but i dont think anyone wants to hear about it. i mean, i know i get annoyed when people constantly talk about their significant other in their lj..
i had a thought.. and i was going to rant about it, but then i forgot.
thats what happens to me.
i feel really intellectual, and i decide to write about something thats (mildly) important, i open wordpad, and my mind goes blank.. so then i stay awake into the most ungodly hours of the morning chain-smoking and wondering what it was i was going to talk about.
thats another thing..
i have to quit smoking.
its hurting everyone around me.. which isnt that many people.. okay so my point, is that its hurting faren. (insert your "aww"'s here). and cause its gross. ..and cause its hurting me. copd, my friends, is not a fun way to die.
i want her to sit me down and tell me how i'm going to die if i keep smoking. thats how you get me to stop something; you scare the sweet jesus out of me. i'll never do it again..
..although, if someone came up to me and told me what drinking is doing to my liver, or what sex is doing to my body (i call attention to camerons [from house: md] rant about how "( sex could kill you )).. i wouldnt quit either one.
so i spend my nights/early mornings on the computer, most of the time doing nothing of importance, but this time, i tell myself that its productive. this is what i'm doing right now. typing nonsense to nobody. and i think it's productive.
when, in reality, its not. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 27th, 2006|05:47 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | my bed | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  lonely | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | far away/nickelback | ] |
( fuck i love you )
i dont think ive ever longed for anyone this much. ever, in my entire life.
even if i could just stand in front of her and just look at her. i sound like a complete sap, and it makes me want to cringe and hide under my blankets forever. but if i dont write it down somewhere then i'll explode all over the place.
willena doesnt know if she is going to halifax with me anymore. so i need to find another roomate. i need to be close to her. this is insane. why am i moving for a girl? i ask myself that question dozens of times during the run of a day. and theres no answer. cept for the obvious love thing.
which is very true.
i dont think anything could keep me away from her. i'll live in a one bedroom apartment and work mininum wage if i have to. i need to see her. i have to.
she said that if i dont end up moving up there that she still wants to stay together, and visit on weekends and stuff. so thats good. but i really want to move up there. i wish willena was still going. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 24th, 2006|05:46 pm] |
i should not be allowed to have the notebook on my computer, on dvd, on vhs, or the goddamned book.
i wish it was never fucking written.
i downloaded it yesterday because i decided that after two years, it wouldnt make me cry like it did the first and only time i ever watched it.
i was fucking wrong.
i watched the movie, then fell asleep. this was at 3:30am. i had a dream that my grandfather (who passed away two years ago) and i were sitting this black abyss, with two chairs and a table, and he was asking me how nanny (his wife/widow) was doing. and i filled him in on all the details of what happened over the past two years.
i told him about how his granddaughter, michelle, was over working for the government in iraq, and how her vehicle was shot at, but she was okay, and he got upset.
i told him about how judy, his daughter, was doing so well after her double hip replacement, and how joan goes up with her everyday watching movies, and helping her walk around.
i told him how judy kept christmas together after he died on the 23rd.
i told him about camp, and mom and dad, how jasons (now ex) girlfriend was at his funeral, and helped jason through everything.
he told me that he knew i was gay, and that he thinks nanny will accept it. he said that he loves me for who i am, not who i marry.
i woke up at 4:48 bawling my eyes out. i woke myself up crying. i went into moms room and she didnt know what to say.. i think she was trying to keep herself from crying.
im scared to go back to sleep now. i dont want to have another dream like that.
it was |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 20th, 2006|03:46 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | my room | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | fuck off | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | nothing | ] |
fuck the introductions.
everytime i try to write my mind goes blank. ever happen to you? yeah i thought so. it fucking sucks.
i was just thinking to myself "hey.. i should have my own site... www.lauramacdonald.com". wouldnt that be awesome? its amazing, some of the things that go through my head at 3:25 in the am. its fucking retarted, actually. i was just sitting here trying to recount some of my funniest moments. when it hit me... what the fuck am i doing trying to recount my funniest moments? who the fuck cares? no one is going to read that shit anyways. but i like to let myself think that people are really interested in what i'm like, and how hilarous i am.
dont get me wrong, im not trying to look for pity here. im really not. but really, how many people will look on some stupid page on a highly advertised site, and think "wow, that person is awesome and funny. i think im going to email them". who really does that? no one. only cocky people do that. cause i mean, personally, if i'm browsing faceparty or myspace or something (yeah, im that big of a nerd).. i'm not gonna be like WOW I HAVE TO TALK TO THIS PERSON LIKE NOW! because, really, who the fuck wnats emails from strangers? i mean the occasional "hey i liked your profile you seem pretty funny blah blah blah" is okay, but if you carry on a conversation through messaging over some stupid site, when i clearly dont want to talk to you, you're putting yourself out there to be violently insulted.
as i say this, im thinking in my head, that i secretly do like to be acknowledged and stuff by other people... but not to the point that they're asking me what my parents names are. jesus. i honestly have no idea what i'm talking about.
its nice.
in other news, i have ants in my room. well, all through the house, really. my parents picked the crappiest place to build their house. on top of about 890375203 ant hills. but anyways, the point is, im laying here with baggy shorts on, and no underwear, and i think an ant just crawled up my vagina. i shit you not my friends. but, i must check it out. ---nope. false alarm. i think i might take to the habit of wearing underwear...
so i have a profile on lovehappens.com, and i cant get rid of it. scary lesbians from the north side keep sending me "ice breakers", and the site keeps emailing me, and i dont want them anymore, damnit. im quite happy with my current relationship status, and i intend to keep it that way. fuckin sons of bitches.
so i'd love to know where the fuck these people get my email. something called "welby wealth insurance" just emailed me. am i being attacked by spammers? and how did they get my email address? fucking sites that i suscribe to. they sell my email address. fuckers. i'll sue.
--laura |
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